The lawyer for a retired police detective caught (allegedly) soliciting sex on Plum Beach may not get his client off, but he's definitely amusing us with his inspired legal strategy, and that's what matters most. Last August, Detective Joseph Tesoriere allegedly beckoned an undercover Parks Service cop into a remote area of the beach at Gateway National Park which is known as a gay cruising spot. (Also: horseshoe crabs.) He then commenced "fondling himself," according to the Parks cop.
But attorney Robert Feldman argues that Tesoriere can't be guilty of public lewdness, because the shrubbery surrounding his client at the time would have prevented anyone from observing the onanism. "It is impossible to perform a visible lewd act when the lower body is obscured by August vegetation," Feldman told the judge, according to court papers obtained by the Post.
Tesoriere says he was urinating, not fondling, but it does take a discerning eye to spot the difference. And Feldman puts the cherry on top by accusing the undercover cop of lying: "The officer perjured himself. He couldn't testify how long it was." In case the court had any doubt what Feldman was referring to, the lawyer declared, "He couldn't testify how big his penis is." Got it. Check and mate, Parks Department!
