New Yorkers are no strangers to the ambiguously monstrous sea creatures Neptune will occasionally see fit to spit out—once you look the Montauk monster or the parasitic sea lamprey right in the eye (through your computer screen), you may feel like you can handle anything. But those hellspawn have mostly stayed on the fringes of our fair city, unlike the little gremlin you see above, which has somehow made its way into the heart of Manhattan—Central Park!
It seems that officials are seriously concerned about northern snakehead fish in parts of Central Park. The creature, which is native to China, Russia and Korea, has been spotted in Ridgewood, Queens in recent years, as well as in Harlem Meer. New signs have gone up around Harlem Meer warning anglers to "secure the fish" and "keep it in a secure container until it is picked up by officials."
But telling people not to throw these dread creatures—who endanger the entire ecosystem of both the park and our dreams—back into the water isn't really doing justice to their horribleness. Here's what the Department of Environmental Conservation says you should really do if you find yourself squaring off with one: "If you catch one, DO NOT RELEASE it. Kill it immediately, freeze it and report your catch. Take a digital photo if possible."
Dear god, won't somebody think of Tucker Carlson? Be careful out there Big Tuck!
