Between the sexist tweets about Ted Cruz's wife, his campaign manager's assault charges, possible pen attacks, and his very public flip-flops on abortion, Donald Trump has been having a very bad, no good week. Stephen Colbert invited him on the show (or at the very least, said he invited Trump on) to defend himself, but "he was busy being on every other channel on television, plus I think he's turned into a cartoonish version of himself at this point. So instead, we invited a less cartoonish version, Cartoon Donald Trump."
That stupid-head, poopy-pants Anderson Cooper will think twice before he calls anyone a 5-year-old again. If only every political argument could be settled with infinities.
Colbert also had Elizabeth Warren on, and while he couldn't get her to say whether she supports Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders, he didn't have to do much to get her talking about Trump: "Donald Trump is looking out for exactly one guy, and that guy's name is Donald Trump," she said. "Calling on Donald Trump for help is like if your house is on fire, calling an arsonist to come help out."
Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel had Ted Cruz on to uncomfortably joke about Muslim watch lists, his hatred for Obamacare, his favorite cereal (Mueslix), his love for Star Wars, his first concert (Men At Work), and of course, his antipathy toward Trump. Asked whether he hated Obama or Trump more, Cruz said: "I dislike Obama’s policies more, but Donald is a unique individual...If I were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw Donald in the backup camera, I’m not sure which pedal I’d use."
Asked about his plan to have police patrol Muslim neighborhoods, Kimmel asked Cruz, "I know you're a guy who loves the Constitution... isn’t this in direct competition with the Bill of Rights?"
And here's Cruz discussing how unpopular he is among his colleagues:
Completely incidentally, Colbert Trump Cruz Kimmel (CTCK) would be a great name for a law firm and/or a mid-'90s RnB vocal group.
