Anyone who thought they could while away winter watching Thong Guy sun himself by the Brooklyn Bridge should be advised that New York City's transformation into the Arctic Tundra is complete. Accuweather says it feels like -3 degrees in Brooklyn, and according to the raw skin on my nose it is indeed VERY VERY COLD. Today is a good day to be a climate change denier, though it is a very bad day to be a human.
The air is like tiny knives battering your skin now, and it's not going to get much better. Accuweather predicts it'll only climb up to 27 degrees in Manhattan today, though it'll feel like an even more miserable 7 degrees thanks to the wind chill. Weather.com is not much kinder, offering a high of 29 degrees, and the National Weather Service is mostly just laughing at our pain.
This is par for the course, naturally, and though we've managed to avoid acknowledging winter for the last month or so, Jack Frost catches up with all of us eventually, much like Death. The good news is, tomorrow's and Thursday's temperatures will spike up to a lovely 36 and 35 degrees, respectively, and Friday will hang in there at a justifiable 31. AND THEN WE GET SNOW!!!!!!! And then slush. And then ice. Winter is a pessimist's favorite season.
Today's chill has prompted Mayor de Blasio to issue a code blue, so if you see anyone who appears to be at risk—an elderly neighbor whose heat doesn't work, for instance, or a homeless person sleeping on the street—call 911 or 311. This is also a good time to check on your neighbors, as well as to call your mother and thank her for the ridiculous moose slippers you laughed at initially but are now your favorite possessions.
Now excuse me while I play a cool new game called "How Long Can You Sit On A Radiator Before You Burn Your Legs." Record: 3 seconds.
