According to the results of a forthcoming study conducted by researchers at Columbia University and the University of Pittsburgh, excessive time spent on social media sites like Facebook makes human beings stupid, fat, and cruel. "Think of it as a licensing effect: You feel good about yourself so you feel a sense of entitlement," a co-author of the study tells the WSJ, referring to the activities you've almost certainly engaged in since you woke up this morning. "And you want to protect that enhanced view, which might be why people are lashing out so strongly at others who don't share their opinions." Right, whatever you say, Dr. Stupid.
Facebook's infinite, cyclonic system of virtual ego-fellation is rotting our real, corporeal selves, even if you only click on Zynga games accidentally!
People who spent more time online and who had a high percentage of close ties in their network were more likely to engage in binge eating and to have a greater body mass index, as well as to have more credit-card debt and a lower credit score, the research found. Another study found that people who browsed Facebook for five minutes and had strong network ties were more likely to choose a chocolate-chip cookie than a granola bar as a snack.
In a third study, the professors gave participants a set of anagrams that were impossible to solve, as well as timed IQ tests, then measured how long it took them to give up trying to solve the problems. They found people who spent more time on Facebook were more likely to give up on difficult tasks more quickly. A Facebook spokesman declined to comment.
Yeah, because commenting is hard work. BOO-YAH, ZUCKERBERG *slaps computer screen*
And here's a "comment" for you: Cloondog is a HORNDOG, amirite? HAHA SUCH A WHORE (Please love us? Please?). Also, this "study" sounds like something Hitler would do.
Anyway, a study is born every minute, but status updates are forever. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook. We're the only family you'll ever have.
