Rather than discuss former Senator Eric Massa's fondness for tickling and snorkeling, Esquire's Ryan D'Agostino decided to focus his profile of the fallen politician on a different potential scandal: a possibly fixed presidential election. According to D'Agostino's notes, Massa was informed by four retired generals that Dick Cheney had been attempting to convince General David Petraeus to run for president in 2012, and suggests that his colleagues turned against him when he wanted to go public with the information. That explains everything...except what happened the night he "took an Ambien and ended up walking to the Washington Monument at 4:00 in the morning."