It goes without saying that John F. Kennedy's missile was never in crisis (ZING). The 35th president has a long and storied list of not-Jackies that he bedded and his quicksilver loins are ensconced in American political lore. But a new autobiography written by JFK's 19-year-old White House intern, Mimi Alford, makes the man look less like a smooth operator and more like a garden-variety pervert. Using an excerpt of the book obtained by the Post, we've determined these moments to be JFK's creepiest.

He Took The Virginity Of A 19-Year-Old Intern Minutes After Meeting Her

The president got right to the point, taking Alford on a "personal tour" of the White House minutes after meeting.

“Haven’t you done this before?” he asked. “No,” she said. “Are you OK?” he asked. “Yes,” she said. So he kept going, this time a little more gently. “After he finished, he hitched up his pants and smiled at me” and pointed her to the bathroom.

Ahh that Camelot Class.

JFK Felt Dirty All The Time

According to Alford, Kennedy changed his shirt "six times a day because he hated feeling 'sweaty or grimy.'"

Wonder why?

He Never Kissed Her

Having your first relationship with a man almost three decades your senior who also happens to be the most powerful man in the world is a mindfuck. But did Kennedy have to deny her the most innocent sign of affection? Sheesh.

“There was always a layer of reserve between us, which may explain why we never kissed,” she writes. “The wide gulf between us—the age, the power, the experience—guaranteed that our affair wouldn’t evolve into anything more serious.”

He Forced Her To Take Drugs & Didn't Even Take Any Himself

Rule #1 when taking drugs with your significant other: always take them together. It's the American way! JFK apparently didn't agree, and forced Alford to go it alone at Bing Crosby's desert ranch (creepy!). The president gave her amyl nitrate, despite her resistance.

“This was a new sensation, and it frightened me. I panicked and ran crying from the room.”

As it should! The fucking president just roofied you!

He Forced His 19-Year-Old Intern To Give Another Guy A Blowjob While He Watched, Poolside

“He had been guilty of an even more callous and unforgivable episode at the White House” during a noon swim. Powers had rolled up his pants to cool his feet in the water. “The president swam over and whispered in my ear. ‘Mr. Powers looks a little tense,’ he said. ‘Would you take care of it?’


“It was a dare, but I knew exactly what he meant. This was a challenge to give Dave Powers oral sex. I don’t think the president thought I’d do it, but I’m ashamed to say that I did . . . The president silently watched.”

But, uh, he was an Elusive Hero! The End.