There's nothing that drives Jon Stewart into a towering, pseudo-Italian American rage like the sight of some effete foodiot enjoying his pizza with a knife and fork. Stew Beef previously excoriated Donald Trump and Sarah Palin for eating pizza with utensils, and last night The Daily Show host went completely apoplectic over Mayor de Blasio's recent display of decorous dining etiquette at Goodfellas on Staten Island. Poor Jon Stewart and his ulcer:

Asked about his pizza-eating methodology after his lunch, de Blasio explained that he "often starts with a knife and fork" as they do in his "ancestral homeland," but then he crosses over to "the American approach" and picks it up when he goes farther into the pizza. "What is this, mixed martial arts?" an incredulous Stewart asks. "Admittedly, your predecessor Bloomberg did not eat it with his hands. He would usually have an assistant cut it up and chew it and then feed it to him like a baby bird. But you are not that. You're a man of the people. Eat like one!"

Stewart also isn't buying de Blasio's excuse that the pizza had "a lot on it." "You of all people," Stewart declares, "are worried about holding your pizza? You with your enormous Kong hands? You know that big wooden thing they use to slide the pizza into the oven? That thing was built after one of your hands! I'm pretty sure at a pizza parlor that thing is called 'The De Blasio.' "

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De Blasio's press office has declined to formally comment on the scandal. Goodfellas' owners, however, have had the good sense to preserve the infamous fork in an NYPD evidence bag at the restaurant.