Tip #1: Drink at home! As you may have noticed, the green-themed debauchery got to a raging start over the weekend, and there's currently no shortage of drunken yahoos (pictured) out there. Should you decide to join them tonight, you may want to consider avoiding the more obvious destinations like McSorley's (where the mob lined up to start drinking at dawn), Peter McManus and Farrell's—that is, unless you really want to get the full drunken mob experience. On the other hand, every bar, Irish or not, is going to be mobbed, so there's no sense going out tonight if you're not in the mood to bond with humanity. Here's where to find them:

  • The epic Saint Patty's "Luck of the Irish" Pub Crawl began on Saturday and is still in full effect! For a $20 ticket you get drink specials at over 100 Manhattan bars, and a chance to help break the Guinness World Record for World's Largest Pub Crawl. So at least you'll be getting slaughtered for a noble cause.
  • If a variety of green-colored beverages is what you desire, look no further than the Village Pourhouse. Besides the requisite green beer, you can also sip green martinis and pound green-colored shots. At the uptown location, anyone who recites a limerick gets a green beer for free; downtown the owners have hired a man to dress as a leprechaun to pose for photos and surrender his dignity to the debauched crowd.
  • A more refined diversion will take place tonight at the Merchant’s House Museum in the East Village, the city's only family home "preserved intact—inside and out—from the 19th century." Bridget Murphy was the Irish cook who worked for the home's original occupants back in 1855; she'll be appearing tonight via wormhole to give visitors "a back-stairs look at the Merchant’s House Museum. Taste food made from 19th-century Irish-American recipes, sample Bridget’s famous ‘green’ tea punch—an old New York recipe—and tour the fourth-floor servant quarters (usually off limits to visitors)." There will be a bagpiper playing traditional Irish music, and, naturally, alcoholic beverages. ($30 for non-members; details here.)

  • Sure, you can do drunken karaoke any night of the week, but starting this afternoon, should you find yourself staggering through Times Square with an urge to siiiing, Pulse Karaoke Lounge is the place to be. Besides their regular expansive song list, you can also go green with traditionals like "Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral," "Danny Boy," and "Molly Malone." Anything by Al Green or Green Day will work, too. To sweeten the deal, beer and cocktails are half-priced between 2 p.m. and 8 p.m.
  • Southern Hospitality BBQ on the Upper East Side is offering some most hospitable specials. First they pad your stomach with an all-day special of smoked corned beef and cabbage, then they batter it with a breathtaking array of discounted drinks. Brace yourself: $2 Coors Light Drafts, $3 Coors Light Bottles, $3 Killians, $3 Green Beer, $3 well drinks, $3 Green Jello Shots, $4 Jameson Shots, $5 Car Bombs. We'll take one of everything, and spend the rest of the night hugging the bar's promised host: Pilar The Resident Leprechaun. This will not end well.