Hey.
Does this look sad to you?
This is my desk lunch
I defy anyone to call this lunch right here sad.
Do you see that?
This is my desk lunch
That's continental dining at its best.
Kale salad. Potato salad. Roasted vegetables. Corn onion. Tomato salad.
This is my desk lunch
That's motherfucking cous cous.
All in one place at one time. Exactly where I want it to be. Exactly where I am right now. Not too much, not too little.
This is my desk lunch
I don't know about you, but I definitely couldn't order another round of bread sticks.
I'm not even tempted.
This is my desk lunch
Oh, did I mention that the container—
This is my desk lunch
—is 100% pure grade compostable?
This is my desk lunch
Yeah, that's right.
What about my coworker's lunch?
This is another example of a desk lunch
I don't think that's sad.
This is another example of a desk lunch
You can't see him, but I'm looking at him right now, so trust me when I say he doesn't look like he's multitasking—unless you think juggling the flavors of sour cream and onion counts as multitasking. (In that case, he is the best multitasker in this office.)
This is another example of a desk lunch
I think he's having a very nice lunch at his desk.
This is what our desk lunches would look like if they were combined, in case you were wondering.
This is what our desk lunches would look like if they were combined
I think that looks really good!
Legacy newspapers want us to feel bad about our desk lunch rituals, but I feel a lot of significant positive correlations between my work performance, eating this continental delight, and not breaking eye contact with my coworker while he eats at his desk. It's all a part of the unique rhythms of the office environment.
Most of all, don't let hurtful lunch-shaming articles filled with SO MANY lunch-normative assumptions about the way we eat in 2016 stand in the way of you hovering over your coworker's desk under the premise of going over some budget reports, and then throwing a stapler across the room to distract them in order to quickly snap some tasteful photos of their lunch.
The Times wants to prey on your insecurities in order to further the agenda of Big Lunch ("One study showed that with seven or more, subjects ate 96 percent more than they would have alone"). I don't need to eat "with" my coworkers to feel closer to them, or to show them how much I appreciate them. I do that every day by taking photos of their beautiful lunches lit in the monochrome blue of their computer screens when they're not looking. And I know we're all on the same page on the matter—or perhaps I should say, the same desk.
(Though it is a funny coincidence how many of them seem to take an early afternoon break at the same time every day.)
