A surprising report in the March issue of Men's Health asserts that Boston is the "least drunk" city in all the land. You really don't need to read much further to realize this news is wicked retarded, but what makes it even more ridonkulous is that the Irish and college capital of America ranks even higher on the sobriety scale than Salt Lake City, which is fourth "least drunk." And ranking #2 for least drunk is Yonkers, which is such a dreary place you need a drink just to get through it on Metro North.
NYC placed eighth on the least drunk list, which was reportedly compiled using "such data as death rates from alcoholic liver disease, booze-fueled car crashes, frequency of binge-drinking in the past month, number of DUI arrests, and severity of DUI penalties." That criteria probably explains the bizarro results—cities like Boston and New York have plentiful public transit and cabs, while those inebriates who fool around in Fresno have a harder time getting home. That California town ranks #1 drunkest, according to Men's Health. (Buncha winos.)
