This column originally appeared in Looped In NYC, our weekly newsletter for where to go and what to know.

Tipping used to feel more straightforward: 15%-20% for restaurant bills, $1 or $2 per drink at bars, and spare change in tip jars at cafes, pizza shops and takeout restaurants.

But factors including tap-to-pay on tablets and rising living costs, especially in New York City, have changed the tipping scene. Now, it seems like everywhere you go, you’re prompted to tip, sometimes starting at 22% — even if it’s just counter service. The rules and etiquette about tipping are becoming more unclear.

I’m not a huge fan of the tablet system, mostly because it feels impersonal and can come across as a bit pushy. It’s kind of like when someone reminds you to do something you were already planning to do. Putting money into a tip jar or tipping with a paper and pen feel more like genuine interactions to me.

To get a better sense on what’s an appropriate tip in the city, I talked with baristas, bartenders and customers at Mottley Kitchen in the South Bronx, The Terrace cocktail bar in Harlem, and MacDougal Street Ale House in Greenwich Village.

There were a few rules I heard over and over in my conversations. This tends to be the consensus among both patrons and services workers:

  • At coffee shops and cafes: If you have the financial means to tip, especially if you’re sitting down, tip 15%-20%. But if you really can’t afford more than your food or non-alcoholic drink, that’s OK.
  • At bars: Always tip 18%-20% and as much as 25% or higher if you get really good service or are a regular.
  • If you can’t afford to tip your bartender for drinks, don’t buy alcohol.

Katie Bishop owns Principles GI Coffee House in Gowanus, one of the few cafes in the city that doesn’t ask for tips. She told me she’s against tipping because she grew up with parents who struggled working for tips to survive. She also said tipping has gotten out of control in the last few years.

“The professions who have always had tipping, such as cafes, bars, restaurants — we are at the receiving end of tipping fatigue,” she said. “So, the places that have traditionally relied on tips are getting lower tips because all these other industries that have never done tips started adding tips.”

Is there ever a time when not tipping is acceptable? A lot of people kept telling me, “if you don’t plan to tip, then don’t go out.” But I didn’t like what that implied: Should someone who doesn’t have a lot of money never go out, then? Especially if they’re struggling to get by in a city as expensive as NYC?

Jillian Pacheco, a manager at Mottley Kitchen, agreed with me. She’s against tipping because she thinks service workers should earn a steady livable income. She told me she never takes tipping personally because everyone’s financial situation is different. Not tipping says less about the person, but more about the state of the economy and how everything feels unaffordable, she said.

“We still crave that human connection on a day-to-day basis. We still wanna go see people and interact with people,” she said. “That kind of gives a classist tone if you're just like, oh, you can't go out if you can't spend.”

She said what we really need are more third spaces.