Tonight, Vice Media is partnering with Absolut vodka for some sort of mysterious advertising synergy blowout bash in the Red Hook Container Terminal, a remotely located hangar ideally situated for tossing your hair around to blaring EDM, dropping molly and high-fiving your friends in self-congratulations on achieving such sweet Friday night plans. "Where even are we?!" you'll all squeal on Twitter as the drugs take hold.

You are in the Columbia Waterfront District, an itty-bitty pocket of a neighborhood hugged by Red Hook to the south and Carroll Gardens to the west. It's marked primarily by community gardens, a handful of exceptionally solid restaurants and a lovely view of the Manhattan skyline. It's quiet in a way that's rare for New York—the most persistent irritants are not blaring sirens or drunken party shrieks but distant fog horns and the neighbor's barking dog. These are Maine sounds, not NYC sounds, which is precisely why its residents live there. (I count myself among them.)

As a fact sheet penned by Vice Media and sent out by Community Board 6 says: "The location was chosen due to the unique character of the Red Hook community and its off the beaten path location on the vibrant New York City waterfront. The event celebrates NYC’s nightlife." An invite from Vice promises to "transform the Brooklyn waterfront into the most vital club in the world, just for one night."

Why is a party celebrating "NYC's nightlife" being held "off the beaten path"? That's one of just so many questions! Here's what we know:

Without giving away all the details - who doesn’t like a touch of mystery - you’ll join Absolut, and a well-known nightlife expert, on a progressive happy hour journey showcasing elements of the night (and hotspots) that defined NYC nightlife over the past three decades. We will end the night at one of the hottest parties of the year where the skyline of NYC will be transformed for one night only, featuring designs by artist Vita Motus, custom cocktails and a surprise guest performance (you won’t want to miss this).

Residents are not enthused about Vice invading their bucolic neighborhood with its "custom cocktails" (two fingers of lukewarm vodka, splash of cran?) or its "surprise guest performance" (Skrillex? Mom?!)

Why do you allow this in our quiet neighborhood? @BrooklynCB6 @PANYNJ @nkvenugopal @gothamist pic.twitter.com/AHi1BRqx7N
— Landon Myers (@MyeLandon) September 12, 2014

Nor were they especially happy about those progressive, ultra-hip party lights being tested on the same evening as the 9/11 Tribute in Lights. As one Red Hook resident wrote, "Seems kind of weird to do all that shit on the one night they do the towers of light, no?" Indeed. Here's a photo of the rival light display, via Brooklyn Spoke:

But, take heart, NIMBYs: The party will only last until 11 p.m.—at which point roughly 1,000 drunken revelers will be discharged into the night to wander the streets until they eventually arrive, confused and high (on life!) at Bait & Tackle or possibly your geranium bed. Close your windows.

Vice Media Will "Transform" Quiet Columbia Waterfront Into Raging Liquor Ad Tonight